Sheila Ki Jawani..

You're about to become a part of an experiment. Be ware.

1. Were you named after anyone?

No. My parents like to be different. In fact I dare you to find another person with same name as mine.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I was livid and was almost reduced to tears when someone told me how amazing I am and promised me he meant it.

I think my reaction messed up his 'understanding' of women .

3. Do you like your handwriting?

Yes. I was forced to make all soft-boards and charts in school.

4. What is your favourite lunch meal?

Momos, creamy mushroom pasta, chicken (roasted, tandoori, tikka, kabab, butter, curry, grilled.. you name it)

5. Do you have kids?

I have a wife, a would be husband, many would be wives and a tiny brother who looks up to me and that I bully around. But no real kids.

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?

There are exactly two possibilities: 
a) I would be best-friends with myself   
b) I would kill myself and be proud that I did mankind a favour.

7. Do you use sarcasm?

Would you leave me alone if I did?

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

Yes, I still have my tonsils, and my appendix and all the other useless organs in my body just like I still have all my small clothes, books and toys. I find it hard to junk stuff no matter how useless they are. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

9. Would you bungee jump?

What is there to not like about the idea of hanging upside down and looking at the world with a whole new perspective?
Literally.

10. What is your favourite cereal?

I am required to have a 'favourite' cereal? What are you- my mom?

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

If I could convert all the time I saved by NOT untying my shoes into money I would be a millionaire by now.

13. What is your favourite ice cream?

Butter scotch, Chocolate, vanilla

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Whether or not they possess the art of conversation.

15. Red or Pink?

It has to be the colour of Passion, anger and DANGER. RED.

16. What is your least favourite thing about yourself?

My volatile moods

17. Whom do you miss the most?

RKC. I don't think I would have been familiar with the concept of 'missing someone' had it not been for him.

18. Do you want everyone to complete this list?

Because completing this list is such an enriching experience that if they didn't their life would be incomplete?

19. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

At home I am only found in boxers or skirts. Yes, even in winters. 
Pants are just too restricting, don't you think? 

21. What are you listening to right now?

My grumbling stomach.

22. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

WHITE. 

- I'll be good as new, always

- kids wont be peeling my cover and rubbing my face on  paper trying to fill colour in some old man's payjamas

- I would have to do no dirty work, yet no crayon set would be complete without me. ;-)

23. Favourite smells?

Wet mud, pertol, vicks, camphor, nail polish remover, chicken being cooked. 

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

My grandfather.

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

It wasn't sent to me. I just picked it from Anta . Yes, without even asking her. Is that rude?

26. Favourite sports to watch?

Lion/tiger/crocodile/Snake hunting their prey.

27. Hair colour?

Black. And just so you know, my heart is black too.

28. Eye colour?

How bored are you?

29. Do you wear contacts?

No, seriously?

30. Favourite food?

Can I write a 5000 word essay here?

31. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Scary movies with happy endings.

.

32. Last movie you watched?

American Beauty

33. What colour shirt are you wearing?

How on mother earth knowing the colour of my shirt will add value to your life in any way?
Or are you going to judge me on the Shirt colours I pick?

34. Summer or Winter?

Winter. I alway pray for its long life and good health. :)

35. Hugs or kisses?

Mostly its just handshakes. But then there are people that I hug and kiss all the time :)

37. Most likely to respond?

To invitations for: parties with free food and drinks, gate-crashing weddings, goa trip, dog's birthday and climate change conference (again for free food.), suicide plans, paint-ball war, war, sword fight,etc

38. Least likely to respond?

To mundane things.

39. What are you reading right now?

Nothing. Sad but true.

40. What is on your mouse pad?

My mouse. Duh! 

41. What did you last see on TV?

I don't even remember the last time I watched TV.

42. Favourite sounds?

Papa's car lock sound when he comes back home. I miss it.

43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?

Both.

44. What is the farthest you have been from home?

Kanyakumari. Thats where we welcomed 2010.

45. Do you have a special talent?

No.

Shoot me.

oh wait I can make people cry.

46. Where were you born?

Pataliputra.

47. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?

Well, if you Do it, you must let me know :)

48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?

Blogging!


P.S: In case you are still wondering, the title of the blog post has got nothing to do with the post. 
I am just bored and am experimenting.

Rajnikant(ism)

Feminism, racism, sexism your 15 minutes of fame are over. Make way for Rajnikant(ism)?!?

P.S: Rajni 'CHUCK-Norris'-Ass' Kant anyone?

Of Bfs, love & Forever- Part-II

(This post is a follow-up to 'Of Bfs, Love and Forever-I' which I wrote a while ago.)

I am certainly more experienced as I sit to pen down the second part of “Of Bfs, love and forever”. Yes, well experience is the name I like to give to my mistakes, it sounds more cool and optimistic and no, I wasn’t wise enough to learn from others' mistakes that’s why I ended up making my own.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities and my fellow mates can tell you in detail how having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is more of a necessity than a mere want. In fact having a boyfriend almost felt like having a baby or a puppy; everyone stopped to coo and talk about it! And now, after having learnt from my mistakes when I go around telling people that I don’t really need a boyfriend, they look horrified, like I was claiming that I don’t really need any clothes!

Have you ever got something new, and then tried resisting yourself from using it? Noticed how tough it is to resist? I too couldn’t resist using my newly acquired wisdom and life experiences, so I donned the jacket (I personally don’t like hats too much) of ‘love guru’ once again.

What came next was another flood of relationship problems, issues, situations and confusions. Armed with my better understanding of relationships and members of not-so-fairer-sex in general… I set forth to help my fellow sisters.

Here are some eye-openers for the benefit of general public:

Case 1: So I really really really love this guy (yes, we girls tend to use a word multiple times in order to lay emphasis), and I am absolutely crazy about him, but he is not very expressive and stuff... He says "I love too", when I tell him that I love him but sometimes I doubt whether he even loves me or not? And that makes me very insecure. May be its just me, but is there any way by which you can tell whether a guy loves you or not?”

Reply 1: Sure. When a guy loves a girl, he would ask her to marry him- to change her name, quit her job, have and raise babies, be home when he gets back from work, move where his job is.
(It makes me wonder what he might ask if he didn't love her!) But there you go.

Case 2: Ever since I started dating this guy…. You know? First that, then that, then that and now this… I mean there have been so many turning points in our relationship.

Reply 2: Really? With so many turning points in your relationship, how can you be so sure that you are not just going around in circles ?

Case 3: He is so blind to my emotional needs, he is never there for me when I need him, I could be crying my eyes out but it’s still hard for him guess that I might be upset… Do guys even have any feelings?

Reply 3: It would be highly unfair to say that guys don't have feelings. Of course they have feelings, but more along the lines of ‘Who cares!’, 'I'm hungry', 'Damn! India lost the match', 'When-the-fuck-will-she-shut up', 'I wish I could have a threesome with her and her best-friend.'
(Not necessarily in that order.)

Case 4: I have never been so happy in my life… I am in love and guy I am in love with is totally in love with me. Life seems just so perfect.

Reply 4: You fight every day, you cry your eyes out every alternate day, spend hours on phone with your best friend telling her about all the billion irritating habits of your guy and all the zillion problems that you are going through in your relationship... but you are happy and life is perfect! Illusion as Oscar Wilde says, is first of all pleasures. Enjoy.


Case 5: When I met so and so, I felt this is what I had been waiting for all my life. He is so sweet, so loving, so caring…. And now that we are together I feel all my prayers have been answered!

Reply 5:  God is smart. When he wants to punish us, he simply answers our prayers.


P.S: Love is the food for soul; no wonder my soul died of food poisoning.

Why do I have the feeling you're wearing one of these around your neck right now?

Of Bfs, love & Forever..

Scene-II met an old friend after a very long time. After exchanging the regular pleasantries we got down to the ‘real’ conversation.
That’s when she dropped the bomb. “So, who is the guy?”
"Huh?"
"You didn't tell me, come on spill it out bitch."
I was caught off guard. Dude! what is this girl talking about?, I wondered.
"Saali don't give me an attitude, just tell me will you?" she coaxed again.
"Kutti, what the hell should I tell you?" I mumbled, still trying to figure out the context of her queries.
"Uffo, tell me the name of your boyfriend, ulloo ki doom!" she said tightening her grip.

(Before you get all agitated and judgmental let me clarify, 'Saali' 'Kutti' and other such assorted sobriquet are usually reserved for very close friends. Hence the pearls like 'Ullu ki doom'(Owl's tail :-/) actually symbolize our deep friendship and comfort level.)
Now back to the conversation:

"What?" I asked still perplexed.
"Ab Kya kya kar rahi hai? Main kya french bol rahi hoon?"
"Kutti, it'll take you a whole lifetime if not more before you can talk in french and just so it's clear- I don't have a boyfriend."
"What? STILL SINGLE?" her jaw dropped to the ground like a cartoon character.
"You got it right. Now believe it or faint."
If her hopes were made up of glass you could have heard the shattering sound.
"But you are in college!" she muttered dismally.
"And is that a problem?"
"Oh my god D! You are about to get into your second year. I don't see why can't you get into a relationship?" she said, giving me looks usually reserved for animals of endangered species.
"Because unlike you I can't commit to any jackass and then hope to fall in love with him eventually, that's why!"
"Saali stop grinning like an idiot. At least I have a jackass."
"True, and it will take me another 100 years to envy what you've got." I supplied.
"D, why can't you get practical? You are in college for god's sake. Just say yes.. trust me you will eventually start liking the guy.. love just grows."
"I'm sorry, I didn't get the relation between being practical and getting a BF?," I retorted.
"You're such a bitch..", my friend began.
Jesus, not again. I knew where the conversation was ultimately heading. I just grabbed my last chance, "All right, I give up S, its my fault really, I had no clue that getting a BF was prerequisite for getting into a college. But I am ready to make amends, I shall get myself a BF before I buy my course books for my second year, I promise. Now how about a Dark Temptations at Barista?"
"Dude are you a mind-reader?", she did a little jig.

CONCLUSION: Dark Temptations is the ultimate savior and rather tasty too.


Scene-II
The very next day I bumped into another friend who was apparently dying to talk about her BF. It just so happened that she had forcibly forged an introduction between her BF and I the very same week and since then somehow had not got the opportunity to, erm, discuss 'him' with me.

"Hey, you know we celebrated our 2 year 3 months anniversary yesterday?" she said, evidently getting excited.
"Great. Congrats."
"Do you know what he gave me?"
"No, but you are gonna tell me."
"A bouquet of 27 red roses, one for each month we've been together.That's sooo....."
"Innovative?" I supplied.
"No, romantic! Gosh, D, why do you always have to be sarcastic?"
"Sarcastic? Who me? Ya, I know, no, no, I mean , umm, he really loves you," I said, thinking this was a close one.
"You think so? Really? Let me show you his messages," she said, jumping.
She began without any warning, "Wait let me read it out for you."

And this is how the text messages went:
1.' I love you my love '
2.'I may not be perfect, but my love for you is purrrfect!'
3. 'Baby I love you soooo much.. missing you already babes. '
4.'... love..............................................'
5. ... something love something
6. More love thrown in with random articles.

Yawn.. More Yawing.. even more ackward-bored-to-death Yawning

"Hey D, you're not bored are you? Now listen to this one", she quipped.
"N, why are you making me read your personal messages?" I asked, while praying for some mercy.

104. ' Baby I love you three much.. muah , this is for ur cheeks.. muah .. for your nose... muah.. :)'
Yawn, YAWN.. 'suicidal thoughts' while she made sure I read all her hundred or so messages!

124. ' Gud nite my love ...muah..'
125. ' I am missing u.. muah!!'

"Isn't he sweet, D?"
"Well, if he is simply texting all those 'muahs' I think he is rather lazy!"
"What did you say?" she asked, perplexed.
"Nothing of consequence, never mind."
"And did you read the message he sent me on our anniversary?"

There are always first times in life. That day for the first time in my life I really, truly envied the DEAF!

"Ok D, read this one." she said while shoving her phone under my nose. The message read- 'I will Love you forever.. :)'
"Now, tell me what do you think of him and I want you to be brutally honest," she begged.

My prudence and experience warned me, this is a trap. It has to be, whenever people ask you for your   'brutal honest' opinion, they don't really want you to be brutally honest, they just want you to tell them the truth in a sensitive, sugar coated, diplomatic, lying kind of way.

"Your Bf, huh? Dude, the guy is a pain in the backside. How did you bear him for 2 years when I couldn't stand him for two hours! This moron doesn't even have a vocabulary beyond 'I love you'. What do you do when you guys meet- have an 'I love you' saying competition or something? You say you miss him when he is not there, haven't you missed his brain even once in 2 years? This intellectually sterile bimbo is a burden on mother earth. You are bowled because he said he will love you forever. Bleeding Christ, did you even bother asking him what does forever mean to him- 2 years 3 months and 5 days or 3 years? Forever is possibly the most ambiguous word after love because it means different things to different people. It would have been safer had he said he would love you until next year. And as for love, honey we'll talk about it once you figure out how many days makes your Bf's FOREVER."

As much as I was dying to say this, I didn't . Instead I said:

"Oh, your Bf, he's a very nice guy and quite hot. You're a very lucky girl because he really loves you and most importantly you two make a perfect couple. "
(Ah, well what were you thinking?? I am not Harish Chandra or something, besides this is what she wanted to hear and at times I do give surprising people a skip.. so)

"Really? You think so?" she asked, smiling.
"Of course honey, I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't."
"Hey, thanks, btw you know what my BF has really interesting friends."
"I am sure he does."
"No, I mean if you like my BF, you are going to love his friends."

CONCLUSION: Diplomacy and being nice has its own side-effects. :\

P.S: My Peer-Pressure barometer is showing crazy figures.

That ink will stay with you forever, not sure if I can say the same for your partner.
Img Source: deviantart.com

Virginity- The Big Deal

She was an ordinary Allah fearing girl, her tiny but exuberant heart filled with many dreams and hopes for future. She did not even as much as look at other men. She wanted to ‘save’ herself for the marriage. She had always been told that ‘good’ girls didn't do ‘things’ before marriage. ‘Good’ girls didn't wear a certain kind of clothes because men will be men and girls must understand and only ‘good’ girls went to jannat after death. Allah didn't forgive ‘bad’ girls. There was no redemption for ‘bad’ girls. So she behaved like a ‘Good’ girl and wore clothes that wouldn't give away her slender figure. She didn't look at other men. She asked Allah for forgiveness whenever her thoughts wandered into the forbidden territory and reminded herself that she must always be a ‘good’ girl. She tried to keep her Allah happy. She had full faith in her Allah. She knew she would go to jannat. Her Allah will reward her for being ‘good’.
She got married to a very ‘good’ man. Her friends told her she was very lucky. She knew Allah was rewarding her for being a ‘good’ girl. She was very happy. She was beginning to live her dream with a ‘good’ man.
It was her first night. This night would change her life. She was nervous. Very nervous. She didn't know anything. But she knew her Allah is with her, after all she had always been 'good'. And she knew her husband was a ‘good’ man.
That night did change her life, and shattered her dreams… forever! She was stamped characterless, her husband disowned her, she was subjected to the worst humiliation and treated like some filthy insect because she did not bleed enough!

This is a true story of an Iranian woman who was forced to lead her life in dejection, shunned by society and her own family for being 'good' and because her husband suspected that she was not a virgin on her first night. What kind of world are we living in where the character of a woman resides in her vagina and is measured by how much she bleeds on her first night? In times when we are talking of woman empowerment and liberty, virginity is the yard stick we use to evaluate the purity of her character! Why is it that even as we talk of gender equality males expect their wives to be a virgin? And why is it that we women are expected to guard our virginity as some precious gift that we must offer to our husband on the first wedding night? Why is it that we women can’t ask our partners whether or not are they virgin themselves? Is demanding just a male prerogative?

Virginity has been deemed overrated since very long. In fact the terminologies that society has attributed to virginity is flawed and adds to the guilt feeling. We talk about losing virginity or giving it away. I don’t think a person has lost or given anything away or is different or less in any way if s/he is not a virgin!

The whole narrow definition of virginity is in desperate need of amend. In the strictest term; you are a virgin until you've had sexual intercourse with the member of the opposite sex. But this definition itself acts as a loop hole as it lets you get away with having a lot of different kinds of sex and still being able to call yourself a virgin. Technically, considering the traditional definition of virginity, someone who is homosexual can have sex every day and still be a virgin. Someone who has oral sex regularly too is a virgin. Does that really make sense?

I refuse to buy this redundant idea that is so biased and binding upon the women and covers up for men by stating that MEN WILL BE MEN. If being good means I'll have to curtail my freedom, I refuse to be 'good'. If society terms girls who live life on their own terms as 'bad' I chose to be labelled 'bad'. I refuse to 'save' myself for marriage. If I happen to remain virgin till I marry that will be because I choose to be one and not because I am obliged to make a gift of it to my husband.

Unusual music, some interesting sentiments.. a curious feeling in the pit of my stomach, brings to mind a Quote-
"Virginity can be lost by a thought."


P.S: Words of wisdom: "Nobody dies a virgin death, Life fucks all!"

Need I say more?

"18 till I die !!"

Immortal words by a mortal star, ‘18 till I die'. Personally I have my own views about immortality. For instance, I would rather achieve immortality by simply not dying than through my work but then that’s besides the point here. So I’ll try to stay put and not go off tangent!I had for long been laboring under the illusion that my life would take a dramatic turn once I turn 18 and now precisely five days after attaining that coveted 2 digit figure, the state of affairs remain a paradoxical abyss.

The Indian law considers people above 18 years of age as ‘adults’ and thus one is conferred with several rights at that age. But come to think of it the very foundations of Indian laws are contradicting. The ambiguity starts from the very word ‘adult’. When does a person cease to be a child? At 18, when a girl can marry; 16, when she can give consent for sex; or 14, when a person can work in hazardous jobs?But then I don’t intend to analyze the contradicting laws or their implementation or rather the lack of it!
Coming back to my newly acquired legal rights;

1. A person is legally allowed to drive at 18.
Yes, our law makers feel that a person is capable enough to handle a car at that age.(I read somewhere that sex is like driving, so in case you can’t wait to drive till you are 18 you can still legally experiment with some sex after 16 to get a fair idea)Well my even though my parents second the law makers' point of view and feel that 18 is the right age to get a Driver’s license, the appropriate age when their daughter should get the car remains debatable.

2. It’s illegal to sell tobacco products to people under 18.
So now that I am 18 I can walk up to any paan waala and demand for my pack of cigarettes with a new instilled confidence.That I consider smoking obnoxious, inconsiderate and plain yucky is a different matter altogether.The fact that now I can lawfully buy tobacco is enough to make me feel empowered, indeed!

3. 18 is the minimum age for a girl to get married.
It's true! I can get married to any gentleman I please, who is of course above 21years (That's the age the not-so-fairer sex is expected to grow up). So the policy makers think at 18 a person is old enough to get married, start a family and have babies ... though they also feel that the person needs a lot more growing up before s/he can handle his/her drinks (Legal drinking age being 25).Therefore, even though I can get married at 18, I can't celebrate my marriage with a drink!

4. 18 is the minimum age for voting.
Yippee! I will from now onwards have a say in the governance of the country. So what if my 'one' vote is simply a drop in the ocean? The voting rights give me the mental satisfaction and the much needed reassurance that I am finally and legally an adult.

Though by the standards of the Indian government I am an adult, my parents bluntly refuse to even acknowledge the fact! So, even after turning 18...
* I continue to travel by blue lines and autos (on more fateful days).
* I continue to drink milk with two tbs BOURNVITA!! (It’s tasty and healthy)
* I continue to struggle to get back home before sunset.
* I continue to eat out of my mummy's hands! (The experience is almost heavenly)
Would I still Love to be '18 till I die’? Umm.. I would have said yes without a thought had it not been for the "LEGAL DRINKING AGE"