Thursday, February 28, 2008

Fully Faltoo

Update: It's better if you skip this one. This is one of those pieces that make you cringe when you read them after a passage of time. The liberties I took with the punctuation are not the only thing wrong with this post. Thank god for growing up.

This is one of 'those' days, when I am in one of 'those' moods when I rarely make sense. I do get insane once in a while when my mind does a flip flop and I go over the top. Usually I try and hold on to my sanity but there are days in between , like this one, when I let it go.
Before you go ahead and judge me, I want you to take a moment and think. Think about why is sanity so over-rated to being with? Isn't sanity or insanity a relative term?

I guess I am loosing the thread, going off tangent. Oh wait, I didn't even have a thread in mind to begin with! Here's a confession, I was just feeling sadistic and thought of torturing people with some random atrocious writing, how’s that?

Apart from this sudden fit of insanity I am also a little confused. I don't know for some weird reason  form past few months I feel a sense of emptiness engulfing my life. Its like there's some vacuum that I need to fill but, I am totally lost on what do i fill it with. I have been missing something so terribly but the problem is I cant even figure out what am I missing. At times I feel an icy cold grip squeezing my heart and draining all its warmth I really want to break free from that grip but at that time I become so numb and helpless. I feel so lonely even in the crowd or when I am with friends its as if I have lost some connection, I know I need to reconnect but I am clueless about 'HOW' ?
I know there is something that I need that will set everything right I just hope I can figure out what is it before I lose myself.

I sound so incoherent and vague.
Mission accomplished.

24 comments:

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

.........

was that some kind of ad???? lol

just me... :) said...

yeah.. I was just advertising the fact that i m going berserk!!

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

and i thot u were busy giving ur exams.... well i m all frenzily bored too!

I got a coool game to kill boredom!! "The Writeup"

just me... :) said...

Now wats the new GAME...??

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

oh well! its something like this... i start with a story and write it up to a point from where u continue and then u leave it at a point from where i continue till we have 2 endings!!...

best game to be played by 2 online writers! :D

Ashish said...

i can totally connect with ur 'feeling lonely and confused and sad' kinda feeling, it happens to me as well sometimes(with increasing frequency as the exams draw near :P). whenever that DOES happen, i go and harass my really good friends here telling them how depressed how am :) then they're all consoling and im happy again! this depressing feeling is always temporary, and more often than not, immediately after i get over that mood, i feel really happy and optimistic and what not.

just me... :) said...

@ rebel
Ah, well Count me in...
Start the story... but give it an interesting start!

@ ashish
Thanks.. i m back to being all happy again!! Irritating others when u are feeling low can be really therapeutic :P

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

Rules first:-

1. The next person has only 1 day to post the next part of the story.(1 day means one day gap.. has to post back on the 3rd day)

2.The story can jump from anywhere to simply anywhere but the backbone of the story doesn change..

3.One who cannot advance the story forward looses..!!

so if u want to add or edit any rule!! do so..

and yea each and every story shall be posted somewhere.. so u decide that!.

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

and yess... plz decide who is going to start first!!.. and if itss me.. better get ready coz i got a topic like none!! hee haa ha ha ha

just me... :) said...

I m fine with all the rules except the 1st one.. I need mor time .. may be three days..so I can post on the fourth day. I'll try so post as soon as I can but college is keeping me really busy so ..

And I can post it on my blog.. since u dnt believe in posting anything on urs! :p

Lastly.. can we start it towards the end of nxt week?? Actually right now I m chasing a lot of deadlines so it wont be quite possible.

And since u r sooo xcited .. I give u the honour of beginning the story. :)

just me... :) said...

hey but i really can't comprehend how can the story have two endings, when we both r taking turns to write it..??

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

oh k!!! all ur conditions have been accepted... hehe

and thnxx for the honour.. ill post the story in 2-3 days and u can reply by end of next week!!...

and we can have an separate blog!! for the story...

and in the end we both get to write our part of the story end! that makes em 2 ending! .. so see u in the battle field now!!!!!!!

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

u ready for the war??? the first part will be mailed to u in a day!!! :D

just me... :) said...

sure dude!! ;)

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Royal Messenger said...

umm... i posted it somehow!!..... format sucks... anywayz :)

http://theroyalmessenger.blogspot.com

just me... :) said...

Omg... rebel what kind of an engineer are you yaar??

The tempelate u chose looked like the walls of some sad hospital and the heading was boring too...
I changed both...
I shall post something soon.. and since its fiction I am gonna take liberties here *evil grin*.. meanwhile Why dnt u get familiar with bloggin a little more... :)

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

hey!!! how rude!! i told u i suck at designing thingy!!*tongue* waise to umm... blog loooks quite nice now! and the name is ______

damn y didn i think of it????

well i knew aap chaar chaand laga doge is liye! i gave that thing to u only! :D

ahaan... mujhe challenge ki smell aa rahi hai... dekhte hain lets see wat u cook up! :)

Rebel Raised by SATAN himself said...

Hey Happy Holi Devashni!!! :)

Xhibit said...

well i don think its fully faltoo....dere r momemts wen we all feel lyk da same...its just u hav depicted ur dilemma :d....i can smwat relate to it starin g on da walls ,on da fan, ac duno wat to do....

Ketan said...

Hi! This blog was in that "extremely personal" domain, and if my commenting is unacceptable, you could tell me to that effect. And BTW, you might have resolved whatever you felt by the time I write this!

Would I be right in guessing that whatever you experienced had something to do with the fine differences among being understood, being agreed with and being praised?

If it was what I'm pointing to and you had anyway figured that out, congratulations!

If it was something entirely different, sorry for butting in.

If it was what I pointed out, and something that you'd not been able to gather by yourself, am happy to have been of help!

Take care.

Ketan said...

Oh sorry, I felt I was very vague in how I put it! "Being praised", "being agreed with" and "being understood" were all with regard to your writing, your thoughts, your philosophy, basically, all that your life stands for. Take care.

Just Me :) said...

@ Ketan: The situation ceased being personal the moment I chose to write about it on my blog. So you don't have to be apologetic for butting in.

Your judgment of the situation is not congruent to mine but that's only because of my very vague description. I was myself very confused when I wrote this, so my guesses at that time were as good as anybody else’s. One of the reasons why I wrote how I was feeling was because I was looking for a different perspective. And though the problem had been identified and solved, it wasn’t without any help. In fact a friend who read the post called and helped me to see things clearly.

So congruent or not, a different perspective is always welcome. Thanks for dropping by. :)

Ketan said...

Oh, so I've made a fool of myself yet again, thinking how I could read between the lines, and throw around quasi-philosophical, pseudo-psychological sound bites
:( Another (recent) instance was my commenting on anty's blogs: "Who takes the blame?" and "Linguistic love story".

Talking of different perspective, solutions don't exist in isolation. If the solution I suggested (in the previous two posts) existed, but proved incongruent this once, the corresponding problem might be just round the corner! So, better watch out! Please say it sends shivers your spine just thinking of that possibility. I wanted some sadistic pleasure out of frightening you. In other words, would you be my doormat? Please?

Ok, coming to the less smart-alecky part (i.e., the excuse), it so happens that when you don't know a person, just what little you know of a person, becomes the complete persona to you. In context of your post and my response to it, I wrongly assumed that since you're a journalism student ("writer" would describe you better), your life revolved only about writing, and being understood and appreciated for it. I totally overlooked the possibility that you could have other problems, too.

Hence, the goof up and the ridicule (which I so rightly deserved, but somehow got away with ;) )

If it's possible to tell without getting into specifics, I'd like to know what was that that'd bothered you. I'd have more possibilities to think of when trying my swart-aleckiness on others ;)

TC.

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