Happy "Shoving-your-love-in-everyone's-face" Day.

All you need is love?  Really?
Well, then now is your time. Never before was love put up on sale in display windows of fancy shops at such a large scale. Take out that credit card and use it well.

On the other hand getting a little realistic every once in a while doesn't hurt. But if you are not the kinds, then hold on to your prince or princes real tight and dance on. Live your fairy-tale for you never know when the clock strikes twelve!

Lift up your glasses.. CHEERS.. for that elusive 'Happily ever after'.

All you need is...

Love?

Geez, did you buy those rose coloured glasses or did you paint them yourself? Do take them off before you look at the world next time. Anyway...

Every time I smell flowers I invariably find myself looking for the coffin.

People blame my cynicism. I blame experience.

Belief is elusive but doubt is better than cure.
P.S: All you need is 'cynicism'.

You still haven't taken off those rose-tinted glasses, have you? 

Of Bfs, love & Forever- Part-II

(This post is a follow-up to 'Of Bfs, Love and Forever-I' which I wrote a while ago.)

I am certainly more experienced as I sit to pen down the second part of “Of Bfs, love and forever”. Yes, well experience is the name I like to give to my mistakes, it sounds more cool and optimistic and no, I wasn’t wise enough to learn from others' mistakes that’s why I ended up making my own.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities and my fellow mates can tell you in detail how having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is more of a necessity than a mere want. In fact having a boyfriend almost felt like having a baby or a puppy; everyone stopped to coo and talk about it! And now, after having learnt from my mistakes when I go around telling people that I don’t really need a boyfriend, they look horrified, like I was claiming that I don’t really need any clothes!

Have you ever got something new, and then tried resisting yourself from using it? Noticed how tough it is to resist? I too couldn’t resist using my newly acquired wisdom and life experiences, so I donned the jacket (I personally don’t like hats too much) of ‘love guru’ once again.

What came next was another flood of relationship problems, issues, situations and confusions. Armed with my better understanding of relationships and members of not-so-fairer-sex in general… I set forth to help my fellow sisters.

Here are some eye-openers for the benefit of general public:

Case 1: So I really really really love this guy (yes, we girls tend to use a word multiple times in order to lay emphasis), and I am absolutely crazy about him, but he is not very expressive and stuff... He says "I love too", when I tell him that I love him but sometimes I doubt whether he even loves me or not? And that makes me very insecure. May be its just me, but is there any way by which you can tell whether a guy loves you or not?”

Reply 1: Sure. When a guy loves a girl, he would ask her to marry him- to change her name, quit her job, have and raise babies, be home when he gets back from work, move where his job is.
(It makes me wonder what he might ask if he didn't love her!) But there you go.

Case 2: Ever since I started dating this guy…. You know? First that, then that, then that and now this… I mean there have been so many turning points in our relationship.

Reply 2: Really? With so many turning points in your relationship, how can you be so sure that you are not just going around in circles ?

Case 3: He is so blind to my emotional needs, he is never there for me when I need him, I could be crying my eyes out but it’s still hard for him guess that I might be upset… Do guys even have any feelings?

Reply 3: It would be highly unfair to say that guys don't have feelings. Of course they have feelings, but more along the lines of ‘Who cares!’, 'I'm hungry', 'Damn! India lost the match', 'When-the-fuck-will-she-shut up', 'I wish I could have a threesome with her and her best-friend.'
(Not necessarily in that order.)

Case 4: I have never been so happy in my life… I am in love and guy I am in love with is totally in love with me. Life seems just so perfect.

Reply 4: You fight every day, you cry your eyes out every alternate day, spend hours on phone with your best friend telling her about all the billion irritating habits of your guy and all the zillion problems that you are going through in your relationship... but you are happy and life is perfect! Illusion as Oscar Wilde says, is first of all pleasures. Enjoy.


Case 5: When I met so and so, I felt this is what I had been waiting for all my life. He is so sweet, so loving, so caring…. And now that we are together I feel all my prayers have been answered!

Reply 5:  God is smart. When he wants to punish us, he simply answers our prayers.


P.S: Love is the food for soul; no wonder my soul died of food poisoning.

Why do I have the feeling you're wearing one of these around your neck right now?

Of Bfs, love & Forever..

Scene-II met an old friend after a very long time. After exchanging the regular pleasantries we got down to the ‘real’ conversation.
That’s when she dropped the bomb. “So, who is the guy?”
"Huh?"
"You didn't tell me, come on spill it out bitch."
I was caught off guard. Dude! what is this girl talking about?, I wondered.
"Saali don't give me an attitude, just tell me will you?" she coaxed again.
"Kutti, what the hell should I tell you?" I mumbled, still trying to figure out the context of her queries.
"Uffo, tell me the name of your boyfriend, ulloo ki doom!" she said tightening her grip.

(Before you get all agitated and judgmental let me clarify, 'Saali' 'Kutti' and other such assorted sobriquet are usually reserved for very close friends. Hence the pearls like 'Ullu ki doom'(Owl's tail :-/) actually symbolize our deep friendship and comfort level.)
Now back to the conversation:

"What?" I asked still perplexed.
"Ab Kya kya kar rahi hai? Main kya french bol rahi hoon?"
"Kutti, it'll take you a whole lifetime if not more before you can talk in french and just so it's clear- I don't have a boyfriend."
"What? STILL SINGLE?" her jaw dropped to the ground like a cartoon character.
"You got it right. Now believe it or faint."
If her hopes were made up of glass you could have heard the shattering sound.
"But you are in college!" she muttered dismally.
"And is that a problem?"
"Oh my god D! You are about to get into your second year. I don't see why can't you get into a relationship?" she said, giving me looks usually reserved for animals of endangered species.
"Because unlike you I can't commit to any jackass and then hope to fall in love with him eventually, that's why!"
"Saali stop grinning like an idiot. At least I have a jackass."
"True, and it will take me another 100 years to envy what you've got." I supplied.
"D, why can't you get practical? You are in college for god's sake. Just say yes.. trust me you will eventually start liking the guy.. love just grows."
"I'm sorry, I didn't get the relation between being practical and getting a BF?," I retorted.
"You're such a bitch..", my friend began.
Jesus, not again. I knew where the conversation was ultimately heading. I just grabbed my last chance, "All right, I give up S, its my fault really, I had no clue that getting a BF was prerequisite for getting into a college. But I am ready to make amends, I shall get myself a BF before I buy my course books for my second year, I promise. Now how about a Dark Temptations at Barista?"
"Dude are you a mind-reader?", she did a little jig.

CONCLUSION: Dark Temptations is the ultimate savior and rather tasty too.


Scene-II
The very next day I bumped into another friend who was apparently dying to talk about her BF. It just so happened that she had forcibly forged an introduction between her BF and I the very same week and since then somehow had not got the opportunity to, erm, discuss 'him' with me.

"Hey, you know we celebrated our 2 year 3 months anniversary yesterday?" she said, evidently getting excited.
"Great. Congrats."
"Do you know what he gave me?"
"No, but you are gonna tell me."
"A bouquet of 27 red roses, one for each month we've been together.That's sooo....."
"Innovative?" I supplied.
"No, romantic! Gosh, D, why do you always have to be sarcastic?"
"Sarcastic? Who me? Ya, I know, no, no, I mean , umm, he really loves you," I said, thinking this was a close one.
"You think so? Really? Let me show you his messages," she said, jumping.
She began without any warning, "Wait let me read it out for you."

And this is how the text messages went:
1.' I love you my love '
2.'I may not be perfect, but my love for you is purrrfect!'
3. 'Baby I love you soooo much.. missing you already babes. '
4.'... love..............................................'
5. ... something love something
6. More love thrown in with random articles.

Yawn.. More Yawing.. even more ackward-bored-to-death Yawning

"Hey D, you're not bored are you? Now listen to this one", she quipped.
"N, why are you making me read your personal messages?" I asked, while praying for some mercy.

104. ' Baby I love you three much.. muah , this is for ur cheeks.. muah .. for your nose... muah.. :)'
Yawn, YAWN.. 'suicidal thoughts' while she made sure I read all her hundred or so messages!

124. ' Gud nite my love ...muah..'
125. ' I am missing u.. muah!!'

"Isn't he sweet, D?"
"Well, if he is simply texting all those 'muahs' I think he is rather lazy!"
"What did you say?" she asked, perplexed.
"Nothing of consequence, never mind."
"And did you read the message he sent me on our anniversary?"

There are always first times in life. That day for the first time in my life I really, truly envied the DEAF!

"Ok D, read this one." she said while shoving her phone under my nose. The message read- 'I will Love you forever.. :)'
"Now, tell me what do you think of him and I want you to be brutally honest," she begged.

My prudence and experience warned me, this is a trap. It has to be, whenever people ask you for your   'brutal honest' opinion, they don't really want you to be brutally honest, they just want you to tell them the truth in a sensitive, sugar coated, diplomatic, lying kind of way.

"Your Bf, huh? Dude, the guy is a pain in the backside. How did you bear him for 2 years when I couldn't stand him for two hours! This moron doesn't even have a vocabulary beyond 'I love you'. What do you do when you guys meet- have an 'I love you' saying competition or something? You say you miss him when he is not there, haven't you missed his brain even once in 2 years? This intellectually sterile bimbo is a burden on mother earth. You are bowled because he said he will love you forever. Bleeding Christ, did you even bother asking him what does forever mean to him- 2 years 3 months and 5 days or 3 years? Forever is possibly the most ambiguous word after love because it means different things to different people. It would have been safer had he said he would love you until next year. And as for love, honey we'll talk about it once you figure out how many days makes your Bf's FOREVER."

As much as I was dying to say this, I didn't . Instead I said:

"Oh, your Bf, he's a very nice guy and quite hot. You're a very lucky girl because he really loves you and most importantly you two make a perfect couple. "
(Ah, well what were you thinking?? I am not Harish Chandra or something, besides this is what she wanted to hear and at times I do give surprising people a skip.. so)

"Really? You think so?" she asked, smiling.
"Of course honey, I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't."
"Hey, thanks, btw you know what my BF has really interesting friends."
"I am sure he does."
"No, I mean if you like my BF, you are going to love his friends."

CONCLUSION: Diplomacy and being nice has its own side-effects. :\

P.S: My Peer-Pressure barometer is showing crazy figures.

That ink will stay with you forever, not sure if I can say the same for your partner.
Img Source: deviantart.com