Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Of Bfs, love & Forever- Part-II

(This post is a follow-up to 'Of Bfs, Love and Forever-I' which I wrote a while ago.)

I am certainly more experienced as I sit to pen down the second part of “Of Bfs, love and forever”. Yes, well experience is the name I like to give to my mistakes, it sounds more cool and optimistic and no, I wasn’t wise enough to learn from others' mistakes that’s why I ended up making my own.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities and my fellow mates can tell you in detail how having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is more of a necessity than a mere want. In fact having a boyfriend almost felt like having a baby or a puppy; everyone stopped to coo and talk about it! And now, after having learnt from my mistakes when I go around telling people that I don’t really need a boyfriend, they look horrified, like I was claiming that I don’t really need any clothes!

Have you ever got something new, and then tried resisting yourself from using it? Noticed how tough it is to resist? I too couldn’t resist using my newly acquired wisdom and life experiences, so I donned the jacket (I personally don’t like hats too much) of ‘love guru’ once again.

What came next was another flood of relationship problems, issues, situations and confusions. Armed with my better understanding of relationships and members of not-so-fairer-sex in general… I set forth to help my fellow sisters.

Here are some eye-openers for the benefit of general public:

Case 1: So I really really really love this guy (yes, we girls tend to use a word multiple times in order to lay emphasis), and I am absolutely crazy about him, but he is not very expressive and stuff... He says "I love too", when I tell him that I love him but sometimes I doubt whether he even loves me or not? And that makes me very insecure. May be its just me, but is there any way by which you can tell whether a guy loves you or not?”

Reply 1: Sure. When a guy loves a girl, he would ask her to marry him- to change her name, quit her job, have and raise babies, be home when he gets back from work, move where his job is.
(It makes me wonder what he might ask if he didn't love her!) But there you go.

Case 2: Ever since I started dating this guy…. You know? First that, then that, then that and now this… I mean there have been so many turning points in our relationship.

Reply 2: Really? With so many turning points in your relationship, how can you be so sure that you are not just going around in circles ?

Case 3: He is so blind to my emotional needs, he is never there for me when I need him, I could be crying my eyes out but it’s still hard for him guess that I might be upset… Do guys even have any feelings?

Reply 3: It would be highly unfair to say that guys don't have feelings. Of course they have feelings, but more along the lines of ‘Who cares!’, 'I'm hungry', 'Damn! India lost the match', 'When-the-fuck-will-she-shut up', 'I wish I could have a threesome with her and her best-friend.'
(Not necessarily in that order.)

Case 4: I have never been so happy in my life… I am in love and guy I am in love with is totally in love with me. Life seems just so perfect.

Reply 4: You fight every day, you cry your eyes out every alternate day, spend hours on phone with your best friend telling her about all the billion irritating habits of your guy and all the zillion problems that you are going through in your relationship... but you are happy and life is perfect! Illusion as Oscar Wilde says, is first of all pleasures. Enjoy.

Case 5:
When I met so and so, I felt this is what I had been waiting for all my life. He is so sweet, so loving, so caring…. And now that we are together I feel all my prayers have been answered!

Reply 5:  God is smart. When he wants to punish us, he simply answers our prayers.

P.S: Love is the food for soul; no wonder my soul died of food poisoning.

Why do I have the feeling you're wearing one of these around your neck right now?


anty_anand said...

Amazing. Pure Awesome.

I totally understand what you're getting at. Trust me ;)

Ketan said...

Hi! Nice post, though I'd say I'd liked the first part a lot better. I really don't have much to comment on what you've implied in the post, not because I'm a male, but because I've not encountered people (male or otherwise ;) ) who carry on the sham of "loving" so poorly. If one's "love" is that bad at pretending, that itself qualifies as a bad choice! If you're to be believed that you did after all get a taste of love (and consequent food poisoning!), then may be your experience blunted your ability to mock at the phenomenon (of love) in a dispassionate fashion. I could see elements of contemplative (the power of your sarcasm makes "contemplation" sound such an understatement) involvement as against detached commentary.

Have you made it a point to not reply to posts by those you don't know personally? In that case you could tell me to that effect so that I could try resisting the temptation of commenting on your posts. Talking of food poisoning, how do you not get a verbal diarrhea (just one post in so many days)? TC.

Just Me :) said...

@ Ketan: Haha… No, I don’t go by any rule book while replying. In fact most of the people who comment on my blog started out as complete strangers. So rest assured the only thing that prevented me from replying to your comments was my own laziness and I offer you my sincere apologies for the same.

And well you have answered yourself by your own admission, “I've not encountered people (male or otherwise) who carry on the sham of "loving" so poorly.” Well a sham doesn’t cease to be a sham if it is carried out well, now does it?

It’s hard not to get wet when you are swimming in the water, so yeah I agree that detachment went out of the window.

P.S : I shall try to be more visible on the blogosphere.
First part is my favourite too :)

the insider said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the insider said...

Your post has reinforced the fact that 'perspective' has a very important role to play in framing a person watsoever.

As far as problems, situations, confusions and the likes are concerned, it's pretty normal, considering the fact that RELATIONSHIPS, any sorts, are difficult in nature. And confrontation is the ONLY solution.

I personally found your case studies and inferences somewhat absurd. Though, I 'm sure you'll find many heads nodding on this one.

I have always been an admirer of your writing style. Simple, mildly sarcastic, and compulsive, at times.

Keep writing


Just Me :) said...

@ Insider: Yeah, it's all the game of the perspective. Depends on which side of the hill you are standing.

I have been on both the sides and despite all my cynicism and sarcasm, believe me I enjoyed my stay on the other side as well :)
Take care.

Ketan said...

Hi! When I pointed out the inability of carrying out a sham properly, I was just making a point that the one so eager to accept that sham is also as much to be blamed for the failure of relation that was newer meant to be.

I did not make this point for part I as it was meant to be a lighthearted post, and to be taken just like that. But in this case, as I pointed out (and by your own admission) you've tended to be more reflective, so the kind of relations you've cited should've also been more "representative".

There are indeed people who pretend much better, so well that they themselves don't realize they're pretending (sorry, if that sounded cliched, but that was the most precise way to put it). And, since this was a "serious" blog, such relations should have also been covered. I know your post was not an assignment that you'd be under any kind of obligation to keep it balanced and comprehensive, but just that the way it stands it seems to show a distorted picture because of its incompletemess. Or it'd only make the reader think that you're unaware of such relations. In either cases, it's the reader's problem. ;)

If the genuineness of all the relations that you've seen has been of the quality indicated by your posts, then you've been a tad unlucky. I'm not here to point out like "no, see not all relations are like that; some are true love, etc." But I wanted to point out one simple thing. The problem (whatever the prevalence), is not with phenomenon called love, but with people. Think of it, what's the possibility that those who are so worthless in love would be good humans otherwise? How would they be in other spheres of life? What kind of students, teachers, friends, neighbors, citizens, and ultimately, humans would they be?

I know you've covered the same issue (how you were disgruntled with people around you) in another of your blogs, just wanted to point out that both (issues) are interrelated.

I'd disagree with Shruti on one count, though--that at least for the type of relations written about in both the parts, no other interpretation or perspective were possible. Any other conclusion, and it'd have simply been wishful thinking.

Yes, blogosphere would be happy to have you around more often, hale and hearty, and most important, having recovered from your food poisoning! So that you could direct your attention to other disorders afflicting the world. TC.

unforgiven said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
unforgiven said...

Hmmmm, I'm pretty certain that I can come up with fairly similar five cases; except, they'd be all by the same person.
We both know who that person would be, don't we Soniya? ;)
P.S.:- People who live in glass houses? Yeah, draw the curtains before changing :P

lemon girl said...

@just me: Wow.

@Ketan: You should be ostracized from society at large. And if you make such smart-ass comment's in public im sure a crowd will lynch you someday.

GAWD, why the hell do you talk so much?

Ketan said...

Why such peculiar periodicity about fighting every day, but crying one's eyes out only on alternate days? :)


Just Me :) said...

@ Unforgiven: Whoa.. *People who live in glass houses, draw the curtains before changing* I am bowled over by your extremely insightful observation.

Smart. You are smart. Go ahead, you can quote me on that. ;)

unforgiven said...

@soniya: Someone once told me, never ask a manager two questions; he'll totally ignore the one you want addressed, and spend lengths on the one no one cares about ;)

You're not a manager, so, can we have the 'relevant' point addressed please? ;)

unforgiven said...

@ketan: Read my comment, it applies to you too.

Uh, in your case, do read it again, and uh, again, then, a few more times.

Yes, that is when, hopefully, you *will* get it :)


Just Me :) said...

@ unforgiven and Lemon Girl: Come on guys.. I think both of you are being way too harsh on Ketan.
Just coz ketan is exploiting the fact that *Blogger* hasn't fixed any word limit for posting comments by exercising his FUNDAMENTAL right of expression, doesn't make him a sadistic mean jackass!

unforgiven said...

@soniya: Better; acting like a journalist now, diverting attention.

Still, no cigar; still waiting for your 'real' reply ;)

I can't help it that I am smart! Hell, I can even quote someone on it.

Oh wait.

Ketan said...

@Unforgiven: Forgive me, but I usually get things in the first go. I don't persevere that much. If I don't get it, I just let it go like so many other things. The loss would be mine, and I hope, that should be alright with *all* concerned. TC.

unforgiven said...

@ketan: Thanks dude. That explains, a lot.


Ketan said...

Wow! I seem to have become a blogosphere celebrity! I'm being *discussed*. Believe me, it's not worth it.

lemon girl said...

Not a sadistic mean jackass?

Well maybe you're right. Just a sadistic jackass then.

unforgiven said...

@lemon girl: Ouch! Shaant gadaadhaari bheem, shaant!

Ishita_Dasgupta said...
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Ishita_Dasgupta said...

@Deva= Well, I love what you have written..for obvious reasons. ;)
Been on the 'listening' for a long time too!! :|

@Lemon girl= It's a free country, honey. Just some times that make you wonder WHY.

lemon girl said...

@unforgiven: Jaane bhi do yaaron?

@Ishita: See, now this where we need people to invent ORS for verbal diarrhea.

@Ketan: Celebrity? In your dreams. Or do you let people talk in your dreams?

unforgiven said...

I'm too old for this..
..stuff, he said stuff!

(Credits: How I met Your Mother, Season 4, Episode 19)

lemon girl said...

The rest of you, Bitch Suit up.

unforgiven said...

You do need to watch what happens to the Martaugh list (Ishita, being the other resident himym zealot, maybe you can fill in ;)) in that episode to really get it :)

unforgiven said...

I like that though, Bitch Suit up? Nice.

lemon girl said...

Ishita isn't the only other resident himym zealot. :)

unforgiven said...

Awesome! No, Legen.. wait for it..

lemon girl said...


unforgiven said...

Okay, I think we shoud stop using Soniya's blog like googletalk ;)

I bet she'll never reply to my comment now! :(

Just Me :) said...

@ Unforgiven: U guessed right.

P.S: Ur smart ;)

Ketan said...

@Just me: Now that it's been adequately demonstrated that everyone differs about what's "relevant" and "to the point", do you mind responding to the points I'd originally made, of course, if you still find then pertinent?

RuDR@ said...

---*finally after all ... while*---
to be fare enough on your E.D.I.T i am not taking pain to go through the BiG review cycle above me..

...as intended pun, yes it was there..
but you went way too long with your perception which was reflecting in your subject matter..
..I am not challenging your experience but on same note your experience is not wide spread..
So Miss "D", if you still prefer not to have any more flings of these EMOTIONAL ODYSSEYS, then i would say fair attempt..
else you can come-up with something more precise, more accurate and .....

P.S.: your take on guys..woohoo.. too humdrum. :\

Just Me :) said...

@ Ketan:
The reference was purely suggestive. People don't generally cry after EVERY fight, hence every alternate day crying and to say the least, it was a little exaggerated. :)

@ Rudra:
My opinion of guys is similar to Mr. Scrooge's opinion about Christmas before he met the three ghosts. I am still awaiting that eye opening , life changing experience.
Till then, guys?? Bah, humbug!!

Ketan said...

Just me,

Well, I was referring to issues in my comments prior to that. Smiley in the comment to which you responded was to indicate its lightheartedness.


deluded said...


well the post was great,

but isnt that a bit biased? the way you look at it?

jut wondering :)

Just Me :) said...

@ Deluded: Me and biased?? Not your fault I see, you are just deluded. ;-)

Pratyush said...

It's something like alcohol, I guess. At some point in the past, you knew that it was not good for your health. But then you went on to have a little sip of it. Which consequently resulted in you having the whole bottle of rum and leaving you in a state which can perhaps be best described as "Dazed and Confused". Now that you've got the whole thing in you, you have only vague recollections of something being bad for something. And, well, you do feel pretty good. Moreover, your long term memory takes a hit so the fact that you puked a minute ago doesn't make the great song playing right now any less awesome. Oh, and since you ARE high, chances are you'll end up having even more. As long as you're inebriated, you're pretty happy with the way things are. Of course, when it's all over, you'll have a terrible, terrible hangover and will vow never to display such behaviour and such lack of control again. And, well, you know what happens the next time somebody puts a Smirnoff in front of you...

Just Me :) said...

@ pratyush: I couldn't have put it in a better way myself. :-)


Hey ur super hilarious and for the record my soul died of food poisoning too....lol!
Keep Blogging:)


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